, , , , , , , , ,

There are rumors that the 3rd iteration of the Obamcare repeal and replace bill, GOP Dump& Dupe, will be voted on this week – perhaps tonight, and – brace yourselves – this totally terrible, cruel bill might pass the House and be sent to the Senate. It’s likely that it won’t pass in the Senate, at least not in its current incoherent form, but, who knows? As Steven Benen observes, lots of us cheered when Big Orange got the GOP presidential nomination – no one thought such a clown could ever in a million years win the general election.

But console yourselves. There are some existential bedrocks you will always be able to count on:

After she votes for the revised bill – and she’s not currently counted among the holdouts – those of us who subscribe to Rep. Ann Wagner’s (R-2) email newsletter will get a gushing account of how she battled to save us from that bad, old Obamacare. And she won’t even ask for thanks – she just wants us to stop phoning her about the damn thing, please, and, for god sakes, quit asking her to come to an in-person town hall and actually listen to random concerns of the hoi polloi. Mama did what she had to do to save us from ourselves and no matter how many time we’ve asked her to leave Obamacare alone, she knows that we really don’t mean that at all. After all, St. Louisians stop her in the grocery all the time to tell her to keep on keeping on. At whatever she keeps on at. Working to help bankers, I think.

GOP Senator Roy Blunt will hem and haw in order to persuade us he isn’t as dumb as the rest of his party, but he won’t even require that push comes to shove to make him go along with GOP leadership when/if the bill comes to the Senate – when the inevitable fallout begins, though, he’ll remind you about the hemming and hawing.

Rep. Billy Long (R-7) will carry on about how he held out until he got a dinky little pittance as a down-payment for ineffective high risk pools (along with a in-person goosing from the Big Guy in the White House). He’ll try to persuade you (using standard talking points developed by somebody else ) that this particular thirty pieces of silver makes up for voting to take away protections from folks with preexisting conditions. Nobody but the terminally stupid will be fooled. Oh wait, those are the people who vote for Republicans like Billy Long.

And Vicky Hartzler (R-4) will let us know that Jesus told her to vote for Trumpcare 3.0. She’ll do it indirectly, as befits a congresswoman who has to pretend to serve the heathens too. She runs with Jesus after all and Obamacare was just full of provisions that were hurtful to the Christian Taliban members who worry that they’ll go to hell if they contribute to a common insurance pool that also funds contraception for those who don’t share their beliefs.

Sam Graves (R-6) and Jason Smith (R-8 ) will vote as expected. And if they say anything about it all, they’ll do it in the usual way which consists of whispering over in the corners with safely like-minded supporters. Nobody else actually knows who they are, so no big deal.

But It’s good to know that you can rely on Republicans to be Republicans. Isn’t it?

*Third sentence of 2nd paragraph edited slightly for clarity (5-3-1, 9:51 pm)