Stephen Colbert: My guest tonight helped pass the health care bill. She better hope it covers nailing. Please welcome Senator Claire McCaskill. [applause][cheers] Oh! Senator.
Senator Claire McCaskill: Hi Steve.
Stephen Colbert: You might want to wash that hand, I’ve been handling [crosstalk] raw chicken.
Senator McCaskill: Yeah. Chicken, eh.
Stephen Colbert: Now, uh, madam, I assume you are here tonight to gloat over the destruction of the American economy.
Senator McCaskill: No, no, no [crosstalk], no.
Stephen Colbert: Thanks to the selfish passing of health care regulation by the Democrats.
Senator McCaskill: No, no [crosstalk].
Stephen Colbert: Really?
Senator McCaskill: I’m, I’m [crosstalk]…
Stephen Colbert: Really?
Senator McCaskill: …here to educate you about that this is a good bill. [crosstalk]
Stephen Colbert: Is it really?
Senator McCaskill: Hard. It’s a miracle that we did something very hard [crosstalk]…
Stephen Colbert: Um, hm.
Senator McCaskill: …in Washington.
Stephen Colbert: Yep.
Senator McCaskill: The subject matter [crosstalk]…
Stephen Colbert: It is hard to watch your country die. [laughter][audience laughter] Isn’t it?
Senator McCaskill: By the way [crosstalk]…
Stephen Colbert: Who were you doing this for? Who’s pocket are you in?
Senator McCaskill: The American people.
Stephen Colbert: Okay, you’re, oh, you’re in the pocket of big American. [applause]
Senator McCaskill: I’m in the pocket of the American people who want to be able to get health care and afford health care.
Stephen Colbert: Um, hm. Why, they should, well, le, nah ah. [audience laughter] Then why don’t they get jobs that provide health care?
Senator McCaskill: Because [crosstalk]…
Stephen Colbert: I’m just saying. [crosstalk]
Senator McCaskill: …because many jobs. [crosstalk]
Stephen Colbert: But the conservative position, the conservative position is you can get health care if you needed it.
Senator McCaskill: No. [audience laughter] Uh, you cannot. That’s the problem. Tens upon millions of people cannot get health care. They work for employers that don’t provide it, or they had the nerve, the absolute nerve to get sick before. And then the insurance companies won’t sell them health insurance.
Stephen Colbert: That’s the free market, madam.
Senator McCaskill: No. [audience laughter] That, that [crosstalk]…
Stephen Colbert: The free market. Right now do we have a health care free market?
Senator McCaskill: No.
Stephen Colbert: What do you mean?
Senator McCaskill: We don’t.
Stephen Colbert: They get to set any price they want. That’s the free part. [laughter][audience laughter] What part of that don’t you understand?
Senator McCaskill: What, what I understand is that most Americans know that health care is getting too expensive. In fact, for fifty years we’ve kind of been talking about how the care, health care system doesn’t really work. This is gonna make it better, not perfect. It’s not a perfect bill, but it’s gonna make it better. And you know what? The sky is not gonna fall. It’s gonna [crosstalk] be okay.
Stephen Colbert: Oh, really? Oh, really? Because John Boehner said. [crosstalk]
Senator McCaskill: Also has a tan.
Stephen Colbert: Yes, he does. [crosstalk]
Senator McCaskill: By the way. [laughter][audience laughter]
Stephen Colbert: He has a. [applause][cheers] He looks like he tried to replace the core of a nuclear reactor, actually. [laughter][audience laughter]
Senator McCaskill: A little orange.
Stephen Colbert: Now, John Boehner got up there, on the floor of the House and said, he spoke the hard truth that if this bill passes we’ll be facing the apocalypse. His word, apocalypse. Now, I’m down here in the Colbert bunker [audience laughter], six hundred feet burrowed into Manhattan’s bedrock, so I don’t know what’s going on up there. [audience laughter] When you came down the tube, uh, to do the show tonight [audience laughter] were there half-man half-wolves devouring people? [audience laughter]
Senator McCaskill: No, no.
Stephen Colbert: Is the world coming to an end?
Senator McCaskill: No, it’s not. In fact, I think, uh, they’ve a little overstated the case. Um, I think that [crosstalk]…
Stephen Colbert: We shall see.
Senator McCaskill: …my friends, my friends have overstated, uh, the problems in this bill. Most Americans, frankly, have not yet figured out everything in the bill that’s good. They’ve heard a lot of bad things, but they haven’t heard, like, for example [crosstalk]…
Stephen Colbert: The cornhusker kickback.
Senator McCaskill: Gone. [crosstalk] Took it out.
Stephen Colbert: Uh, huh. The Louisiana purchase.
Senator McCaskill: Took it out. Not really a Louisiana purchase.
Stephen Colbert: Oh, but it’s really in there.
Senator McCaskill: It applies, it applies [crosstalk] to other states. [crosstalk] That was, that was a [inaudible].
Stephen Colbert: Right? Hundred million dollars. Hundred million dollars for [crosstalk] Mary Landrieu. For not, did you get a hundred million dollars for Missouri?
Senator McCaskill: You know what I got for Missouri, I hope?
Stephen Colbert: What?
Senator McCaskill: Affordable accessible insurance for everybody who wants it.
Stephen Colbert: Mary Landrieu got that [audience cheers] and, and, Mary Landrieu got that and a hundred million dollars. [laughter] Don’t you seem like a cheap date now? [laughter][audience laughter]
Senator McCaskill: Now, now. Be nice, now, now you can’t talk that way about [inaudible].
Stephen Colbert: But what should I be nice to a Democrat when Democrats are inciting violence?
Senator McCaskill: [audience laughter] No, not so much.
Stephen Colbert: Yes, they are. Karl Rove said when you discuss the fact that you’ve been threatened you encourage more threats. [audience laughter] Isn’t it best if you are threatened by someone to just never tell anyone? [audience laughter]
Senator McCaskill: I don’t think that’s probably a [crosstalk] good idea.
Stephen Colbert: That’s what he said.
Senator McCaskill: But, there, you know, there’s been a lot of name calling and going back and forth and, frankly, um. [crosstalk]
Stephen Colbert: What name calling back and forth? Democrats do all the name calling.
Senator McCaskill: Well, no, not so much.
Stephen Colbert: Yes.
Senator McCaskill: No, not so [crosstalk] much. [crosstalk] No, you’re wrong about that.
Stephen Colbert: They called Republicans [crosstalk] obstructionist. They called republicans obstructionist. That’s hurtful. [audience laughter]
Senator McCaskill: No. No, they wear that like a peacock with feathers, the obstructionist [crosstalk] label.
Stephen Colbert: Now you’re calling them peacocks. [audience laughter]
Senator McCaskill: That, too. [laughter] That, too.
Stephen Colbert: Um, your, your, your state, Missouri, is also the, am I pronouncing that correctly? Missourah?
Senator McCaskill: Or Missouri, you [crosstalk] can get away with either one.
Stephen Colbert: Or Missouri, either one? ‘Cause I, when I say Missouri I often get threatened by Missourians. [audience laughter] You’re also, uh, the original home to Rush Limbaugh.
Senator McCaskill: That’s true.
Stephen Colbert: And he said that if this passed.
Senator McCaskill: Yes.
Stephen Colbert: That he would move to Costa Rica. So I’m putting, uh, uh, a, uh, a little wish you were here video [crosstalk]…
Senator McCaskill: Okay.
Stephen Colbert: …for Rush. [audience laughter] ‘Cause I know he’s left the country ’cause a man, he’s a man of his word. Is there anything [audience laughter] that you would like [audience laughter] , is there anything that you would like to say to Rush, uh, down in his, uh, Central American home?
Senator McCaskill: Uh, ah, well, you know, how you likin’ that single payer government run health care in Costa Rica? [audience laughter] [cheers]
Stephen Colbert: Rush [applause][cheers], stay strong. Senator Claire McCaskill.
Senator McCaskill: Thank you.
Stephen Colbert: Thank you so much. [applause][cheers] Senator Claire McCaskill, one of the Democrats destroying America. [laughter]