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Tag Archives: Pastafarians

HB 927: The “you can’t deny Nazis and Fascists campus meeting and club resources, but you still may be able to call them assholes” Act

14 Thursday Feb 2019

Posted by Michael Bersin in Missouri General Assembly, Missouri House

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Dirk Deaton, fascists, General Assembly, HB 927, higher education, missouri, Nazis, Pastafarians

“…3. No public institution of higher learning shall deny a political or ideological student organization any benefit or privilege available to any other student organization, or otherwise discriminate against such an organization, based on the expression of the organization, including any requirement that the leaders or members of such organization:
(1) Affirm and adhere to the organization’s sincerely held beliefs;
(2) Comply with the organization’s standards of conduct; or
(3) Further the organization’s mission or purpose, as defined by the student organization…”

Nazis and Fascists, oh my.

“You had some very bad people in that group. You also had some very fine people on both sides,” he [Donald Trump (r)] added.

A decision matrix.

A bill, introduced on Wednesday by Representative Dirk Deaton (r):

FIRST REGULAR SESSION
HOUSE BILL NO. 927 [pdf]
100TH GENERAL ASSEMBLY

INTRODUCED BY REPRESENTATIVE DEATON.

1952H.01I DANA RADEMAN MILLER, Chief Clerk

AN ACT

To amend chapter 173, RSMo, by adding thereto two new sections relating to higher education.

Be it enacted by the General Assembly of the state of Missouri, as follows:

Section A. Chapter 173, RSMo, is amended by adding thereto two new sections, to be known as sections 173.1559 and 173.1560, to read as follows:

173.1559. As used in this section and section 173.1560, the following terms shall mean:
(1) “Benefit”, recognition, registration, the use of facilities of the public institution of higher learning for meetings or speaking purposes, the use of channels of communication of the public institution of higher learning, and the use of funding sources that are otherwise available to other student associations or organizations in the public institution of higher learning;
(2) “Exercise of religion”, any practice or observance of religion, whether compelled or mandated by, or central to, a system of religious belief;
(3) “Public institution of higher learning”, any state postsecondary educational institution governed or supervised by a board erected under chapter 172, 174, 175, or 178; a board of trustees of a community college; or any state board for any other technical school;
(4) “Substantially burden”, an action by a public institution of higher learning that directly or indirectly:
(a) Penalizes conduct or expression that reflects a student’s sincerely held religious beliefs;
(b) Denies a student an opportunity to engage in religious activities; or
(c) Pressures a student to engage in conduct or expression contrary to a sincerely held religious belief or not to engage in conduct or expression motivated by a sincerely held religious belief.

73.1560. 1. No public institution of higher learning shall take any action or enforce any policy that denies a religious student association any benefit available to any other student association, or otherwise discriminate against a religious student association with respect to such benefit, based on that association’s requirement that its leaders or members adhere to the association’s sincerely held religious beliefs, comply with the association’s sincere religious observance requirements, comply with the association’s sincere religious standards of conduct, or be committed to furthering the association’s religious missions as such beliefs, requirements, standards, or missions are defined by the 9 association or religion upon which the association is based.
2. No public institution of higher learning shall substantially burden a student’s exercise of religion unless the institution can demonstrate that application of the burden to the student is in furtherance of a compelling interest of the public institution of higher learning and is the least restrictive means of furthering that compelling interest.
3. No public institution of higher learning shall deny a political or ideological student organization any benefit or privilege available to any other student organization, or otherwise discriminate against such an organization, based on the expression of the organization, including any requirement that the leaders or members of such organization:
(1) Affirm and adhere to the organization’s sincerely held beliefs;
(2) Comply with the organization’s standards of conduct; or
(3) Further the organization’s mission or purpose, as defined by the student organization.
4. Any student, religious student association, or political or ideological student organization that has been aggrieved as a result of a violation of this section may assert that violation as a claim or defense in a judicial or administrative proceeding against the public institution of higher learning and obtain appropriate relief, including damages, against that institution.

Does that mean that you can’t punch Nazis? Just asking.

Pastafarians, ready your colanders…

Previous:

HB 837: Asserting equal opportunity to resurface their playgrounds? (February 6, 2019)

HB 837: Asserting equal opportunity to resurface their playgrounds?

06 Wednesday Feb 2019

Posted by Michael Bersin in Missouri General Assembly, Missouri House

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

General Assembly, Hannah Kelly, HB 837, higher education, Pastafarians, religion

Representative Hannah Kelly (r) [2019 file photo].

A bill, introduced yesterday by Representative Hannah Kelly (r):

HB 837
Prohibits public institutions of higher learning from discriminating against a religious student association or denying a religious student association any benefit available to any other student association
Sponsor: Kelly, Hannah (141)
Proposed Effective Date: 8/28/2019
LR Number: 1782H.01I
Last Action: 02/06/2019 – Read Second Time (H)
Bill String: HB 837
Next House Hearing: Hearing not scheduled
Calendar: HOUSE BILLS FOR SECOND READING

The bill summary [pdf]:

HB 837 — RELIGIOUS STUDENT ASSOCIATIONS

SPONSOR: Kelly (141)

This bill prohibits public institutions of higher learning from taking any action or enforcing any policy that denies a religious student association benefits available to other student associations. The bill also prohibits discrimination against a religious student association based on its requirement that leaders of the association adhere to its sincerely held religious beliefs, religious practice requirements, or religious standards of conduct.

The bill also authorizes aggrieved religious student associations to seek appropriate relief in a judicial or administrative proceeding against a public institution of higher learning that violates the requirements of the bill.

This bill is similar to HB 2074 (2018) and HCS HB 642 (2017).

If Pastafarians want to hold a spaghetti dinner on campus on Talk Like a Pirate Day would that qualify? Would this exempt them from having to provide a separate sauce for vegetarians? Just asking.

Previously:

HB 696: Now you’ve gone and done it. You’ve really upset the Pastafarians. (January 23, 2017)

HB 696: Now you’ve gone and done it. You’ve really upset the Pastafarians.

23 Monday Jan 2017

Posted by Michael Bersin in Missouri General Assembly, Missouri House

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Flying Spaghetti Monster, General Assembly, Hannah Kelly, HB 696, Pastafarians, Talk Like a Pirate Day, war on christmas

Aargh.

Priorities. Another skirmish in the War on Christmas ™.

Hannah Kelly (r) [2017 file photo].

Hannah Kelly (r) [2017 file photo].

A bill, filed today:

HB 696
Allows school districts to display on school property scenes or symbols associated with traditional winter and spring celebrations
Sponsor: Kelly, Hannah (141)
Proposed Effective Date: 8/28/2017
LR Number: 1246H.03I
Last Action: 01/23/2017 – Introduced and Read First Time (H)
Bill String: HB 696
Next Hearing: Hearing not scheduled
Calendar: HOUSE BILLS FOR SECOND READING
[….]

Break out your colanders for a march on the capitol in Jefferson City.

The bill text:

FIRST REGULAR SESSION
HOUSE BILL NO. 696 [pdf]
99TH GENERAL ASSEMBLY

INTRODUCED BY REPRESENTATIVE KELLY (141).
1246H.03I D. ADAM CRUMBLISS, Chief Clerk

AN ACT

To amend chapter 171, RSMo, by adding thereto one new section relating to the treatment of traditional celebrations by school districts.
Be it enacted by the General Assembly of the state of Missouri, as follows:
Section A. Chapter 171, RSMo, is amended by adding thereto one new section, to be known as section 171.023, to read as follows:
171.023. 1. A school district may educate students about the history of traditional winter and spring celebrations and allow students and district staff to offer traditional greetings regarding the celebrations, including:
(1) Merry Christmas;
(2) Happy Hanukkah;
(3) Happy holidays; and
(4) Happy Easter.
2. Subject to the requirements under subsection of this section, a school district may display on school property scenes and symbols associated with traditional winter and spring celebrations, including a menorah or a Christmas image such as a nativity scene or Christmas tree, if the display includes a scene or symbol of:
(1) More than one religion; or
(2) One religion and at least one secular scene or symbol.
3. (1) A display relating to a traditional winter or spring celebration shall not include a message that encourages adherence to a particular religious belief.
(2) Any display relating to a traditional winter or spring celebration shall be paid for without public funds and be open to the inclusion of items offered by individuals or organizations in accordance with the constitutional requirements of a limited public forum.
(3) Any scene or symbol relating to a traditional winter or spring celebration shall be displayed in a manner so as not to violate the Establishment Clause of the First Amendment of the Constitution of the United States.

[emphasis in original]

Will Jewish students and teachers in public schools be able to commemorate Passover blood libel pogroms? Just asking.

Previously:

HB 1425: Merry Chrismahanakwanzukah (January 11, 2010)

HB 198: Merry Chrismahanakwanzukah redux (January 9, 2011)

HB 424: Merry Chrismahanakwanzukah – this time, with more feeling (February 9, 2011)

HB 1109: because the contrived right wingnut “War on [the holiday season]” supersedes any sense (December 27, 2011)

HB 278: on the side of preening self-righteousness in the “War on Labor Day” (January 26, 2013)

SB 554: Chrismahanakwanzukah! (December 3, 2013)

You get the picture.

HB 1587: Praise be to the Flying Spaghetti Monster, aaargh.

24 Friday Jan 2014

Posted by Michael Bersin in Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Andrew Koenig, Flying Spaghetti Monster, HB 1587, Pastafarians, Rick Brattin


Pirate Fish image courtesy of the CotFSM.

A bill, introduced today by Representative Andrew Koenig (r):

SECOND REGULAR SESSION

HOUSE BILL NO. 1587

97TH GENERAL ASSEMBLY

INTRODUCED BY REPRESENTATIVES KOENIG (Sponsor), BRATTIN, LICHTENEGGER, BAHR, HIGDON, CRAWFORD AND WIELAND (Co-sponsors).

5248L.01I     D. ADAM CRUMBLISS, Chief Clerk

AN ACT

To amend chapter 170, RSMo, by adding thereto one new section relating to teacher academic freedom to teach scientific evidence regarding evolution.

Be it enacted by the General Assembly of the state of Missouri, as follows:

           Section A. Chapter 170, RSMo, is amended by adding thereto one new section, to be known as section 170.335, to read as follows:

           170.335. 1. The state board of education, public elementary and secondary school governing authorities, superintendents of schools, school system administrators, and public elementary and secondary school principals and administrators shall endeavor to create an environment within public elementary and secondary schools that encourages students to explore scientific questions, learn about scientific evidence, develop critical thinking skills, and respond appropriately and respectfully to differences of opinion about controversial issues, including biological and chemical evolution. Such educational authorities in this state shall also endeavor to assist teachers to find more effective ways to present the science curriculum where it addresses scientific controversies. Toward this end, teachers shall be permitted to help students understand, analyze, critique, and review in an objective manner the scientific strengths and scientific weaknesses of the theory of biological and hypotheses of chemical evolution.

           2. Neither the state board of education, nor any public elementary or secondary school governing authority, superintendent of schools, or school system administrator, nor any public elementary or secondary school principal or administrator shall prohibit any teacher in a public school system of this state from helping students understand, analyze, critique, and review in an objective manner the scientific strengths and scientific weaknesses of biological or chemical evolution whenever these subjects are taught within the course curriculum schedule.

           3. This section only protects the teaching of scientific information and this section shall not be construed to promote any theistic or nontheistic religious doctrine, promote discrimination for or against a particular set of theistic or nontheistic religious beliefs, or promote discrimination for or against theistic or nontheistic religion. Scientific information includes physical evidence and logical inferences based upon evidence.

           4. No later than the start of the 2015-16 school year, the department of elementary and secondary education shall notify all public school superintendents of the provisions of this section. Each superintendent shall then disseminate to all employees within his or her school system a copy of this section.

[emphasis in original]

And Pastafarians are going to want in on the act (from their past):

Open Letter To Kansas School Board

I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design should be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design.

Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.

It is for this reason that I’m writing you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I’m sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith.

Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence.

What these people don’t understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.

I’m sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this enough, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming too long. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don’t.

You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I have included a graph of the approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature over the last 200 years….

[….]

[emphasis added]

Anyone want to bet they won’t press the issue?

Previously:

HB 291: keping misooree stoopit (January 24, 2013)

Rep. Rick Brattin (r): cdesign proponentsists (February 9, 2013)

HJR 62: brace yourself for "Talk Like a Pirate Day"

05 Wednesday May 2010

Posted by Michael Bersin in Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Constitution, HJR 62, missouri, Pastafarians, religion, schools

Previously: Department of Redundancy Department: Representative Mike McGhee (r)


Pirate Fish image courtesy of the CotFSM.

On April 26th, by a vote of 125 to 30, the Missouri House third read and passed HJR 62, a constitutional amendment to be submitted to the voters which will add complications to the definition of religious freedom as stated in the Missouri Constitution.

HJR 62 Proposes a constitutional amendment guaranteeing a citizen’s right to pray and worship on public property and reaffirming a citizen’s right to choose any or no religion

Sponsor: McGhee, Mike (122) Proposed Effective Date: Referendum

CoSponsor: LR Number: 4153L.01P

Last Action: Senate Committee: GENERAL LAWS

05/04/2010 – Executive Session Held (S)

VOTED DO PASS

HJR62

Next Hearing: Hearing not scheduled

Calendar: Bill currently not on a calendar

The current statement on religious freedom in the Missouri Constitution:

Missouri Constitution

Article I

BILL OF RIGHTS

Section 5

Religious freedom–liberty of conscience and belief–limitations.

Section 5. That all men have a natural and indefeasible right to worship Almighty God according to the dictates of their own consciences; that no human authority can control or interfere with the rights of conscience; that no person shall, on account of his religious persuasion or belief, be rendered ineligible to any public office or trust or profit in this state, be disqualified from testifying or serving as a juror, or be molested in his person or estate; but this section shall not be construed to excuse acts of licentiousness, nor to justify practices inconsistent with the good order, peace or safety of the state, or with the rights of others.

What the Missouri House did on April 26th:

SECOND REGULAR SESSION

[PERFECTED]

HOUSE JOINT RESOLUTION NO. 62

95TH GENERAL ASSEMBLY

INTRODUCED BY REPRESENTATIVES McGHEE (Sponsor), DAVIS, BURLISON, JONES (89), ERVIN, KRAUS, THOMSON, DIECKHAUS, LAIR, DEEKEN, SCHIEFFER, RUZICKA, FUNDERBURK, WELLS, SMITH (150), RUESTMAN, GATSCHENBERGER, COX, WASSON, DETHROW, WILSON (130), WALLACE, WILSON (119) AND KOENIG (Co-sponsors).

4153L.01P                                                                                                                                                 D. ADAM CRUMBLISS, Chief Clerk

JOINT RESOLUTION

Submitting to the qualified voters of Missouri an amendment repealing section 5 of article I of the Constitution of Missouri, and adopting one new section in lieu thereof relating to the right to pray.

Be it resolved by the House of Representatives, the Senate concurring therein:

           That at the next general election to be held in the state of Missouri, on Tuesday next following the first Monday in November, 2010, or at a special election to be called by the governor for that purpose, there is hereby submitted to the qualified voters of this state, for adoption or rejection, the following amendment to article I of the Constitution of the state of Missouri:

           Section A. Section 5, article I, Constitution of Missouri, is repealed and one new section adopted in lieu thereof, to be known as section 5, to read as follows:

           Section 5. That all men and women have a natural and indefeasible right to worship Almighty God according to the dictates of their own consciences; that no human authority can control or interfere with the rights of conscience; that no person shall, on account of his or her religious persuasion or belief, be rendered ineligible to any public office or trust or profit in this state, be disqualified from testifying or serving as a juror, or be molested in his or her person or estate; that to secure a citizen’s right to acknowledge Almighty God according to the dictates of his or her own conscience, neither the state nor any of its political subdivisions shall establish any official religion, nor shall a citizen’s right to pray or express his or her religious beliefs be infringed; that the state shall not coerce any person to participate in any prayer or other religious activity, but shall ensure that any person shall have the right to pray individually or corporately in a private or public setting so long as such prayer does not result in disturbance of the peace or disruption of a public meeting or assembly; that citizens as well as elected officials and employees of the state of Missouri and its political subdivisions shall have the right to pray on government premises and public property so long as such prayers abide within the same parameters placed upon any other free speech under similar circumstances; that the General Assembly and the governing bodies of political subdivisions may extend to ministers, clergypersons, and other individuals the privilege to offer invocations or other prayers at meetings or sessions of the General Assembly or governing bodies; that students may express their beliefs about religion in written and oral assignments free from discrimination based on the religious content of their work; that no student shall be compelled to perform or participate in academic assignments or educational presentations that violate his or her religious beliefs; that the state shall ensure public school students their right to free exercise of religious expression without interference, as long as such prayer or other expression is private and voluntary, whether individually or corporately, and in a manner that is not disruptive and as long as such prayers or expressions abide within the same parameters placed upon any other free speech under similar circumstances; and, to emphasize the right to free exercise of religious expression, that all free public schools receiving state appropriations shall display, in a conspicuous and legible manner, the text of the Bill of Rights of the Constitution of the United States; but this section shall not be construed to expand the rights of prisoners in state or local custody beyond those afforded by the laws of the United States, excuse acts of licentiousness, nor to justify practices inconsistent with the good order, peace or safety of the state, or with the rights of others.

           Section B. Pursuant to Chapter 116, RSMo, and other applicable constitutional provisions and laws of this state allowing the General Assembly to adopt ballot language for the submission of a joint resolution to the voters of this state, the official ballot title of the amendment proposed in Section A shall be as follows:

           “Shall the Missouri Constitution be amended to ensure:

           •          That the right of Missouri citizens to express their religious beliefs shall not be infringed;

           •   &
nbsp;      That school children have the right to pray and acknowledge God voluntarily in their schools; and

           •          That all public schools shall display the Bill of Rights of the United States Constitution.”.

[emphasis (changes) in original]

…that students may express their beliefs about religion in written and oral assignments free from discrimination based on the religious content of their work; that no student shall be compelled to perform or participate in academic assignments or educational presentations that violate his or her religious beliefs…

Question. If a Pastafarian is served spaghetti at a school lunch will they be able to accuse everyone else in the lunchroom of blasphemy? Just asking.

And then, in the interest of complete religious freedom, there’s this: Morse v. Frederick, 551 U.S. 393 (2007)

What would control? The individual’s religious expression? Who gets to decide? Just asking.

As a commenter pointed out in January:

“Useless laws weaken the necessary laws.”

— Charles-Louis de Secondat, baron de La Brède et de Montesquieu (1689 – 1755)

And as I concluded in January:

…As long as there are tests there will always be prayer in school. And as long as there’s a Missouri General Assembly there’ll always be state representatives who’ll waste everyone’s time introducing redundant legislation.

Brace yourself for “Talk Like a Pirate Day” in our public schools across Missouri.

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