Our friends at Fired Up reminded us that there’s a wingnut fest in St. Louis this weekend. We thought we’d take a look at the agenda and save everyone the time and the price of admission:

How to stop abortions: a new approach

Uh, elect republican majorities in the House and Senate and a republican President then stand around while they loot the treasury and enrich their cronies as they ignore the people they mobilized with their wedge politics strategery. Oh, wait, you said “a new approach.”

How to counter the homosexual extremist movement

Secede from the Union?

How to deal with global warming, cap and trade

Problem. Solution. No problem.

How to use New Media technology

Gingerly, with a top down strict hierarchical structure. We guarantee that this will encourage originality and innovation.

How to stop the entry of illegal aliens and drugs

That’s a tough one. Let’s ask shadow president John McCain when he’s on Meet the Press.

How to stop government attacks on parents’ rights

That’s easy. Don’t have kids.

How to deal with supremacist judges

Don’t live in Alabama so you don’t have to vote for them?

How Conservatives Can Use Media to Advance Our Cause

Buy your own cable new network. Oh, wait…

How to stop socialism in health care

Get rid of our military, the Veterans Administration, and Medicare.

How to defeat attacks on sovereignty by UN treaties

Buy your own fleet of black helicopters and fly them around in random places to confuse everybody.

How to activate your church

Enter the ten digit code that’s printed on the inside of the CD cover.

How to use the Internet effectively

1. Possess critical thinking skills. 2. Chant “facts are our friends, facts are our friends, facts are out friends.” 3. Lather. 4. Rinse. 5. Repeat.

How to deal with vote fraud, the Census, and ACORN

Defund the military industrial complex?

How to defend America vs. missile attack

Duck and cover.

How to lobby legislators

Roy Blunt (r – lobbyists) knows how that works!

How to bring youth into the conservative movement

Eviscerate funding for public education.

How to understand Islam

If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em?

How to defend traditional marriage and DOMA

Don’t elect any republicans who’ve been divorced or hang out in airport bathroom stalls?

How the media can help us take back America

Tell Drudge and the rest of them will repeat it.

How to lobby federal legislation & policy

Ask Roy Blunt (r – lobbyists), he knows!

How to defeat Con Con, National Popular Vote, ERA

The same way we did with fluoridation?

How to recognize living under Nazis & Communists

Is it their brown shirts or the forced attendance for presidential addresses in our schools?

How to stop feminist and gay attacks on the military

Give a corporation [a] cost plus two hundred billion dollar contract to buy them all off?

How conservatives can win in 2010

Keep on doing what you’re doing now. Please.