Our friends at Fired Up reminded us that there’s a wingnut fest in St. Louis this weekend. We thought we’d take a look at the agenda and save everyone the time and the price of admission:
How to stop abortions: a new approach
Uh, elect republican majorities in the House and Senate and a republican President then stand around while they loot the treasury and enrich their cronies as they ignore the people they mobilized with their wedge politics strategery. Oh, wait, you said “a new approach.”
How to counter the homosexual extremist movement
Secede from the Union?
How to deal with global warming, cap and trade
Problem. Solution. No problem.
How to use New Media technology
Gingerly, with a top down strict hierarchical structure. We guarantee that this will encourage originality and innovation.
How to stop the entry of illegal aliens and drugs
That’s a tough one. Let’s ask shadow president John McCain when he’s on Meet the Press.
How to stop government attacks on parents’ rights
That’s easy. Don’t have kids.
How to deal with supremacist judges
Don’t live in Alabama so you don’t have to vote for them?
How Conservatives Can Use Media to Advance Our Cause
Buy your own cable new network. Oh, wait…
How to stop socialism in health care
Get rid of our military, the Veterans Administration, and Medicare.
How to defeat attacks on sovereignty by UN treaties
Buy your own fleet of black helicopters and fly them around in random places to confuse everybody.
How to activate your church
Enter the ten digit code that’s printed on the inside of the CD cover.
How to use the Internet effectively
1. Possess critical thinking skills. 2. Chant “facts are our friends, facts are our friends, facts are out friends.” 3. Lather. 4. Rinse. 5. Repeat.
How to deal with vote fraud, the Census, and ACORN
Defund the military industrial complex?
How to defend America vs. missile attack
Duck and cover.
How to lobby legislators
Roy Blunt (r – lobbyists) knows how that works!
How to bring youth into the conservative movement
Eviscerate funding for public education.
How to understand Islam
If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em?
How to defend traditional marriage and DOMA
Don’t elect any republicans who’ve been divorced or hang out in airport bathroom stalls?
How the media can help us take back America
Tell Drudge and the rest of them will repeat it.
How to lobby federal legislation & policy
Ask Roy Blunt (r – lobbyists), he knows!
How to defeat Con Con, National Popular Vote, ERA
The same way we did with fluoridation?
How to recognize living under Nazis & Communists
Is it their brown shirts or the forced attendance for presidential addresses in our schools?
How to stop feminist and gay attacks on the military
Give a corporation [a] cost plus two hundred billion dollar contract to buy them all off?
How conservatives can win in 2010
Keep on doing what you’re doing now. Please.