This is a cheap knock-off of a post at my other blog.
The self-described Values Voters met today in D.C. and held what is roughly equivalent to a straw poll, but for wacky people. The results?
1. Mitt Romney … 27.62 %
2. Mike Huckabee … 27.10 %
3. Ron Paul … 14.98 %
4. Fred Thompson … 9.77 %
5. Sam Brownback … 5.14 %
6. Duncan Hunter … 2.42 %
7. Tom Tancredo … 2.30 %
8. Rudy Giuliani … 1.85 %
9. John McCain … 1.40 %
I’m pretty sure those votes for Giuliani and McCain were accidents. Huckabee’s votes seem to have come in suspiciously from the Internet, so they are unlikely to be a fair representation of his popularity among the Evangelibani. Huckabee crushed him during the in-house vote.
Photos from this year’s Values Voters Summit. Upper left: James Dobson and his pool boy Antonio enjoy the smooth song stylings of K. D. Lange, who performed on the main stage at the Values Voters Summit; Top right: “WTF?” Dazed Democratic candidate Mike Gravel provided unexpected entertainment when he showed up at the wrong event. Only after he left did someone realize that he was an actual candidate; Bottom right: Phyllis Schlafley (with bear tattoo), whose surgery seems to be taking, gets warm and tingly in the man-jacuzzi with a young Mark McGuire.
I’m not surprised that the least capable of leading did well with these wackdoodles. So, what did the candidates say to the Cult of James Dobson?
According to MSNBC, Huckabee’s supporters passed out leaflets that said: “And before Huckabee arrived at the voters’ summit here, supporters handed out leaflets: “Do Not Compromise God’s Values…. Vote for the presidential candidate who entered politics because he was pro-life, has consistently defended the personhood of the unborn, opposed creating life in order to destroy it.”
There you have it. God is telling you in leaflet form to vote for Mike Huckabee. Does that make the leaflets Holy Scripture?
Mike Huckabee, as far as I can tell the least qualified of all the Republican candidates, presumably with a straight face said, vowed to end “the holocaust of legalized abortion” and to not fund stem-cell research. Hyperbole much? It’s not genocide. To imagine that the little snot-like glob of tissue is the moral equivalent of a full grown Jew-person, well, it’s demeaning to Jews, really. You know, especially when some of those full-grown Jew people could benefit from stem cell research.
(Giuliani, as best I can tell, is the second least qualified, as he has on his resume under “Relevant Experience”: “Was not squished by large building.”)
Fetus-eater Rudy Giuliani took a different approach when he addressed the Christians: “You have absolutely nothing to fear from me.” Tough fucking crowd, Rudy. He is also reported to have said, “Why don’t you stop throwing bunny carcasses at me and we’ll talk about the issues?”
You know, for a country where there is no religious test, they sure are trying to out-Jesus one another.
The Baltimore Sun reports that Senator Sam Brownback, who pulled out of the race this week, received almost 3 times the votes of Giuliani. Ouch! It reminds me of when John Ashcroft lost his seat to a candidate who did not meat the required alive status. On behalf of Missouri, America, I would sincerely like to apologize for John Ashcroft. We really, really tried.
Well, I’m going to mope.