At the White House petition site:

We petition the Obama Administration to:
Have Obama re-enact the scene from the Incredibles where Frozone is looking for his supersuit.

We all like the Incredibles. I’m sure the President does too. The world would be complete by having Barack and Michelle re-enact this famous scene.

Published Date: Dec 06, 2015
Issues: Arts and Humanities, Education, Urban Policy
Signatures needed by January 05, 2016 to reach goal of 100,000 97,010
Total signatures on this petition 2,990

[emphasis added]

Then it could work.

The land of the free and the home of the brave.

At the White House petition site:

We petition the Obama Administration to:
Immediately cease relocating Syrian “Refugees” to the United States due to terrorist and ISIS ability to infiltrate U.S.

This petition is requesting that our President place the security and lives of our citizens first by immediately ceasing all operations to relocate Syrians to the United States. The relocation efforts offer a channel for ISIS or like minded groups or extremists to enter our country in bulk posing a sever threat to public safety. It is not in the best interest of our Country to allow the relocation efforts to continue. Given recent terrorist attacks in France and the threats by ISIS to other major cities world wide and here in the U.S closing our borders to the “Refugees” is the only responsible action.

Published Date: Nov 14, 2015
Issues: Defense, Foreign Policy, Homeland Security and Disaster Relief

Signatures needed by December 14, 2015 to reach goal of 100,000 93,866
Total signatures on this petition 6,134

[emphasis added]

You’d think someone would have checked for typos.

And:

We petition the Obama Administration to:
Place a Moratorium on all Refugee Resettlement from the Middle East in the Wake of the Paris Terror Attacks.

In the wake of the Jihad terror attacks in Paris of 13 November, we demand that an indefinite moratorium be placed on all refugee resettlement from Middle Eastern nations.

It has recently come to light that one of the Paris Jihad attackers possessed a Syrian passport and passed through Greece in October 2015. According to Nikos Toscas, Greece’s deputy minister in charge of police, “The holder of the passport passed through the island of Leros on Oct. 3, 2015, where he was identified according to EU rules.”

Seeing how this attacker easily exploited Europe’s refugee policies, we can only assume that others will exploit our generous, and porous, system in order to commit acts of terrorism on our sacred American soil.

Mr. President, WE demand an indefinite moratorium. Protect America!

Published Date: Nov 14, 2015
Issues: Criminal Justice and Law Enforcement, Homeland Security and Disaster Relief, Immigration

Signatures needed by December 14, 2015 to reach goal of 100,000 88,550
Total signatures on this petition 11,450

[emphasis added]

Am I the only one who remembers “freedom fries”?

Previously:

Hey, Chris Koster, are you really listening? (November 18, 2015)

Rep. Vicky Hartzler (r): Quick, jump on that bandwagon of fear before it pulls away! (November 19, 2015)

There have been a series of petitions started on the subject of guns at the White House site:

We petition the Obama Administration to:
Ban the 2nd Amendment for Muslims Petition
We, the people, appeal to the United States Congress to ban any access to firearms for Muslims within the United States of America in the national security interests. We are deeply concerned about the sharp increasing of radical Islam danger and increased sightings of violent acts made by Muslims against people of other religious confessions in the United States. As we remember, that Muslim Muhammad Youssef Abdulazeez attacked marine base in Chattanooga and killed 4 marines, as Chris Harper-Mercer killed 10 and injures 7 in Umpqua College in Rosenberg (Oregon), we appeal to the Unites States Congress to ban any rights given by the 2nd Amendment for Muslims to avoid any slaughters in the future.
Published Date: Oct 02, 2015
Issues: Criminal Justice and Law Enforcement, Firearms, Government Reform
Signatures needed by November 01, 2015 to reach goal of 100,000 97,210
Total signatures on this petition 2,790

[emphasis added]

Wait, I thought constitutional amendments were supposed to be absolutes. So much for the 14th Amendment, eh?

A call for substantive action:

We petition the Obama Administration to:
Use executive authority to reinstate the Federal Assault Weapons Ban of 1994 (expired 2004).
Reinstate the Federal Assault Weapons Ban (expired 2004).
The Federal Assault Weapons Ban, also known as the Public Safety and Recreational Firearms Use Protection Act, was a United States federal law that included a prohibition on the manufacture for civilian use of certain semi-automatic firearms it defined as “assault weapons,” as well as certain ammunition magazines it defined as “large capacity.”
The ten-year ban was passed by the U.S. Congress on September 13, 1994 and it expired on September 13, 2004.
Efforts to pass a new federal assault weapons ban were made in December 2012 after the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting in Newtown, Connecticut. On April 17, 2013, The ban failed a Senate vote of 40 to 60.
Published Date: Oct 02, 2015
Issues: Firearms
Signatures needed by November 01, 2015 to reach goal of 100,000 97,473
Total signatures on this petition 2,527

[emphasis added]

Evidently no one asked the gun manufacturer’s front organization NRA.

This one is direct:

We petition the Obama Administration to:
Declare the NRA a Domestic Terror Organization
The NRA backs unlimited use of guns thereby encouraging people to use them without limitations.
Acts of terror have been committed by individuals because of this.
The NRA, by their actions, have become a Domestic Terror Organization and should be declared as such.
Published Date: Oct 03, 2015
Issues: Firearms
Signatures needed by November 02, 2015 to reach goal of 100,000
99,778 Total signatures on this petition 222

[emphasis added]

Again, evidently no one asked the gun manufacturer’s front organization NRA. Maybe it’s aspirational.

This one assumes that the gun manufacturer’s front organization NRA is open to addressing anything other than “more guns!”:

We petition the Obama Administration to:
Address gun violence using a public health approach.
We are asking President Obama to request legislation to implement a public health approach to the problem of gun violence. This could include such steps as:
1. Funding for research into causes and possible remedies for gun violence.
2. Improving the effectiveness of the background check system and making it universal.
3. Tighter regulation of gun dealers.
4. Safe storage requirements in homes.
5. A ten-year prohibition on possessing guns for anyone convicted of domestic violence, assault, or similar offenses
6. Investment in “smart gun” technology.
7. Requiring liability insurance for guns.
8. Other actions supported by research.
While we recognize that we cannot eliminate guns in America, we believe that with research and thoughtful regulation we can live more safely with them.
Published Date: Oct 03, 2015
Issues: Criminal Justice and Law Enforcement, Firearms
Signatures needed by November 02, 2015 to reach goal of 100,000 99,658
Total signatures on this petition 342

Uh, Congress, at the behest of the gun manufacturer’s front organization NRA, has made this impossible.

In three, two, one…

We petition the Obama Administration to:
Ban Gun Free Zones Petition
We, the people, appeal to the United States Congress to allow the weapons-bearing in schools, hospitals and other public places, to let the American citizens prevent by themselves such tragic events as happened in Umpqua College in Rosenberg (Oregon). Chris Harper-Mercer killed 10 and injures 7. Crimes statistics data shows us that mass shootings appears mostly in “GUN FREE ZONES”. So, we insist on eliminate all so-called “GUN FREE ZONES” on the territory of the United States and let American people to protect their lives with weapons. As the 2nd Amendment stated that “the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed”.
Published Date: Oct 02, 2015
Issues: Defense, Firearms, Government Reform
Signatures needed by November 01, 2015 to reach goal of 100,000 98,674
Total signatures on this petition 1,326

Uh, you left out a phrase. Something about “well regulated” something, right?

This kind of accountability and responsibility won’t go over well with the gun manufacturer’s front organization NRA:

We petition the Obama Administration to:
The Firearm Insurance Requirement Act
Require that all individuals purchasing a firearm show proof of liability insurance (as we do for automobile drivers) and support the private insurance industry in creating a system to analyze the potential liability of a given firearm and individual and provide such insurance.
Published Date: Oct 02, 2015
Issues: Firearms
Learn about Petition Thresholds
Signatures needed by November 01, 2015 to reach goal of 100,000
99,850 Total signatures on this petition 150

The insurance industry might like it.

The debate about guns in American society was settled when we, collectively as a nation, did nothing but wring our hands after twenty children and six adults died in an elementary school in Connecticut in 2012.

Ephemera 2009 (7)

There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.

A White House petition:

We petition the Obama Administration to:

place Ayn Rand on the ten dollar bill.

Ayn Rand is the perfect candidate for the woman on the ten dollar bill.

1. An immigrant who fled oppression

2. Success story in literature, philosophy, and Hollywood- a true rags to riches story. She embodies the American dream

3. Authored the most read book by an American author

4. Has influenced more people than any other woman in American history male or female.

If she isn’t in the running to be on the ten then no other woman should be on that list.

Published Date: Jun 19, 2015

Issues: Economy, Government Reform, Women’s Issues

Signatures needed by July 19, 2015 to reach goal of 100,000 98,754

Total signatures on this petition 1,246

[emphasis added]

Well, now we know that approximately 1,246 bookish fourteen year olds paid for admission to a movie theater just to watch food-court baked potatoes on the big screen.

Visualize an elementary school classroom teacher assigning a project in civics to their students to create a petition at the White House site for any relevant subject that interests them. Then picture the presentation of the petition assignment in crayon.

At the White House petition site:

We petition the Obama Administration to:

Keep Andrew Jackson on the American $20 Dollar Bill.

Recently, a Group had voted to change our nations $20 Dollar Bill image to a Woman. The vote is favoring Harriet Tubman for the Place of Andrew Jackson. Our nations Currency should not be changed to make a statement for Civil rights. We need to Keep our Nations Currency just as it is.

Published Date: May 14, 2015

Issues: Arts and Humanities, Civil Rights and Liberties

Signatures needed by June 13, 2015 to reach goal of 100,000 98,866

Total signatures on this petition 1,134

[emphasis added]

Because our currency never changes?

Over one thousand people signed this. We’re doomed.

At the White House petition site:

We petition the Obama Administration to:

proclaim May 4th national Star Wars Day

The pop culture phenomenon that is Star Wars deserves to be recognized as a national holiday annually on May 4th – “May the Fourth be with you.” The Star Wars franchise, with fans numbering in the millions, has had a significant impact on modern popular culture in many ways. The franchise’s sights, sounds, and sayings are deeply engrained in American society. It changed the film industry in 1977 upon its initial film release and its popularity continues to grow daily with additional films, TV, books, and comics due to be released over the next 5+ years. Star Wars’s impact on our country reached political heights in the 1980s as part of the Ronald Reagan Administration’s Strategic Defense Initiative as its missile defense project was dubbed “Star Wars.”

Published Date: May 03, 2015

Issues: Arts and Humanities, Family, Small Business

Signatures needed by June 02, 2015 to reach goal of 100,000 99,753

Total signatures on this petition 247

[emphasis added]

Do you think they understand that the date thing is just a bad pun? Nah.

The First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution:

Amendment I

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

Recent petitions at the White House site:

We petition the Obama Administration to:

To have obama hang himself to death on national TV

The last thing the American people need is for some pissed off redneck to kill obama and him to be “martyrized”.

We would never hear the end of it.

It is far better for us all if he kills himself.

Published Date: Apr 22, 2015

Issues: Criminal Justice and Law Enforcement, Government Reform, Homeland Security and Disaster Relief

Signatures needed by May 22, 2015 to reach goal of 100,000 99,652

Total signatures on this petition 348

[emphasis added]

Well, then.

And for some people, the flag trumps the Constitution:

We petition the Obama Administration to:

Prosecute any citizen who desecrates the flag of the United States of America.

In recent years the desecration of the flag of the United States of America by U.S. citizens has been increasing and there have been no repercussions for those involved. It clearly states under Title 18 of the U.S. code Chapter 33 Section 700 that “Whoever knowingly mutilates, defaces, physically defiles, burns, maintains on the floor or ground, or tramples upon any flag of the United States shall be fined under this title or imprisoned for not more than one year, or both.” U.S. citizens who are caught desecrating the flag of the United States of America should be held accountable for their actions accordingly. This It is a federal offense and action needs to be taken.

Published Date: Apr 30, 2015

Issues: Criminal Justice and Law Enforcement

Signatures needed by May 30, 2015 to reach goal of 100,000 99,774

Total signatures on this petition 226

[emphasis added]

UNITED STATES v. EICHMAN, 496 U.S. 310 (1990)

496 U.S. 310

UNITED STATES v. EICHMAN ET AL.

APPEAL FROM THE DISTRICT COURT FOR THE DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA

No. 89-1433.

Argued May 14, 1990

Decided June 11, 1990 *

After this Court held, in Texas v. Johnson, 491 U.S. 397 , that a Texas statute criminalizing desecration of the United States flag in a way that the actor knew would seriously offend onlookers was unconstitutional as applied to an individual who had burned a flag during a political protest, Congress passed the Flag Protection Act of 1989. The Act criminalizes the conduct of anyone who “knowingly mutilates, defaces, physically defiles, burns, maintains on the floor or ground, or tramples upon” a United States flag, except conduct related to the disposal of a “worn or soiled” flag. Subsequently, appellees were prosecuted in the District Courts for violating the Act: some for knowingly burning several flags while protesting various aspects of the Government’s policies, and others, in a separate incident, for knowingly burning a flag while protesting the Act’s passage. In each case, appellees moved to dismiss the charges on the ground that the Act violates the First Amendment. Both District Courts, following Johnson, supra, held the Act unconstitutional as applied and dismissed the charges….

[….]

….Although the Flag Protection Act contains no explicit content-based limitation on the scope of prohibited conduct, it is nevertheless clear that the Government’s asserted interest is “related `to the suppression of free expression,'” 491 U.S., at 410 , and concerned with the content of such expression. The Government’s interest in protecting the “physical integrity” [496 U.S. 310, 316]   of a privately owned flag 5 rests upon a perceived need to preserve the flag’s status as a symbol of our Nation and certain national ideals. But the mere destruction or disfigurement of a particular physical manifestation of the symbol, without more, does not diminish or otherwise affect the symbol itself in any way. For example, the secret destruction of a flag in one’s own basement would not threaten the flag’s recognized meaning. Rather, the Government’s desire to preserve the flag as a symbol for certain national ideals is implicated “only when a person’s treatment of the flag communicates [a] message” to others that is inconsistent with those ideals. 6 Ibid. [496 U.S. 310, 317]….  

[….]

“….If there is a bedrock principle underlying the First Amendment, it is that the Government may not prohibit the expression of an idea simply because society finds the idea itself offensive or disagreeable.” Johnson, supra, at 414. Punishing desecration of the flag dilutes the very freedom that makes this emblem so revered, and worth revering. The judgments of the District Courts are Affirmed.

[….]

Title 18, Chapter 33, Section 300 has no legal weight whatsoever. And the government, because of the First Amendment, can’t force you to believe otherwise. But, because of the First Amendment the government can’t and won’t do anything about that either. Because of the First Amendment. Ironic, eh?

President Barack Obama waves as he boards Air Force One under a rainbow at Norman Manley International Airport prior to departure from Kingston, Jamaica en route to Panama City, Panama, April 9, 2015. (Official White House Photo by Pete Souza)

President Barack Obama [2013 file photo].

A petition at the White House site:

We petition the Obama Administration to:

Bring charges of treason upon Barack Hussein Obama

1. Surrendering sovereign U.S. war-making to foreign powers and international authorities by attacking Libya without consulting Congress, in violation of U.S. Constitution Article 1, Section 8 and U.S. Code Title 50, Chapter 33:1541-1548;

2. Refusing to secure our broken borders from illegal alien invasion, international criminal incursion, and terrorist cadre penetration, in violation of U.S. Constitution, Article III, Section 3 and Article IV, Section 4

3. Adhering to the enemies of the United States, giving them aid and comfort, as witnessed by consorting with, supporting and installing to powerful Federal positions persons who in writing, word and deed have called for and promoted the overthrow of America’s constitutionally guaranteed Republican form of government, and the overthrow [sic]

Published Date: Mar 11, 2015

Issues: Civil Rights and Liberties, Homeland Security and Disaster Relief, Veterans and Military Families

Signatures needed by April 10, 2015 to reach goal of 100,000 94,160

Total signatures on this petition 5,840

[emphasis added]

“We petition the Obama Administration to: Bring charges of treason upon Barack Hussein Obama…”

“…consorting with, supporting and installing to powerful Federal positions persons who in writing, word and deed have called for and promoted the overthrow of America’s constitutionally guaranteed Republican form of government…”

Think about that for a second.

So, does Congress have a petition web site? Just asking.

I guess people who signed this feel secure in the knowledge that the government is non-despotic enough that they can sign up at a government web site to say that the head of state is a despot. Or, the government is despotic and they’re really stupid.

Meanwhile:

We petition the Obama Administration to:

File charges against the 47 U.S. Senators in violation of The Logan Act in attempting to undermine a nuclear agreement.

[….]

Published Date: Mar 09, 2015

Issues: Criminal Justice and Law Enforcement, Foreign Policy, Government Reform

Signatures needed by April 08, 2015 to reach goal of 100,000 0

Total signatures on this petition 289,417

[emphasis added]

Now, if people would actually bother to turn out to vote in off year elections…

Previously:

Sen. Roy Blunt (r): Next! (March 9, 2015)

Is Roy Blunt a “traitor,” “reckless and feckless,” or simply an embarrassment? (March 10, 2015)

Well, that went over like a lead balloon (March 10, 2015)

Sen. Roy Blunt (r): “It was a joke” as an excuse? (March 12, 2015)