I’m tired of being a target in strafing runs launched by social conservatives, but apparently some of them think that is precisely what I was born to be. I am a female, I was born at the same time oral contraception was approved, and Roe v Wade gave me the constitutional right to make my own eventual medical and reproductive decisions when I was ten. Planned Parenthood gave me my first comprehensive gynecological exam and birth control pills free of charge when I was a teenager. I didn’t have sex with everyone in school just because I was on the pill. I had sex with Jimmy Ray (we invented “friends with benefits” in 1978). Not that that’s any of Rush Limbaugh’s — or anyone else’s — damned business.
I am that perfect age, a true daughter of the sexual revolution. As soon as my mother was through breastfeeding me, she went on the pill, and my kid sister wasn’t born until I was six. Eight years after that, our baby sister was born to my mom and former stepdad. No one told my mother when she would have children, and she made sure that her daughters knew what was up and where Planned Parenthood was located.
By Limbaugh’s definition, my 74-year-old mother was — is? — a slut, and so are all three of her daughters and childbearing-age granddaughters. So let me tell you about the strumpets she raised. Me, you know. I met Tom when I was 18, and we’ve been married since I was 20. We have three kids, because three is how many we could afford to provide for.
My kid sister is married to her high school sweetheart. She is the respiratory therapy department head in a rural satellite of an urban-based hospital system and he is an ag banker. They have two kids, one in college and one in high school.
My baby sister is a kindergarten teacher, married to an attorney. They have one daughter.
What a bunch of round-heeled hussies we are. We should be shamed in the public square for our crimes against decency. Videos of our sex lives should be available for viewing on YouTube. Unless we can prove to a panel of experts that Rush himself selects that we’ve never had an orgasm, of course. You only get a pass if you have never once enjoyed it.
So is anyone else as sick of this bullshit as I am?
I remember when Sarah Palin was flaunting her incompetence and ignorance all over the countryside in 2008. When liberals pointed out that she was incompetent and ignorant, do you remember what tune the Rushian chorus regaled us with? Sure you do…the one about how liberals are the true sexists, otherwise we would necessarily embrace her in all her ignorant, hateful, psychologically foreclosed glory.
Now Rush Limbaugh and a chorus of men call every woman who has ever relied on prescription, hormonal birth control — including the women who used birth control to avoid bearing their idiot children — a “slut.” And it isn’t sexist, it’s a matter of religious liberty. Yes, it is appropriate to shout “what the fuck?” at the computer screen at this point.
As for me, I’m done. I’m not playing nice any more, I am going to go for kneecaps with a Louisville Slugger.
We need some god-damned rules, and we need them right-god-damn-now.
First of all, gentlemen, our bodies are not your business, so butt the hell out.
Second…you know what? Fuck it. I’m starting now…
WE DON’T NEED ANYTHING ELSE. THEY’RE OUR BODIES. BUTT THE HELL OUT.