Mark Parkinson was a man with an idea. His bill HB 779 proposed allowing for people to own and operate non-antique private slot machines in their houses, for non-gambling purposes. As to who would want or need to do such a thing is unclear. Perhaps Rep. Parkinson is thinking towards the time when the sales of non-gambling slot machines can be prop up our sales tax revenues (until the day that such sales are exempted from the sales tax). Or perhaps Rep. Parkinson wanted to buy a slot machine that was made after 1979.

But when the time came for a vote in the House last night, Parkinson’s bill was defeated, by a vote of 139 to 16.

One could say that the stakes of what the bill sought, relative to the crushing defeat, is reflective of the success one would have while gambling on a slot machine anywhere.

Fight on Mark Parkinson! Fight to a better day when Missourians can operate shiny new slot machines in their dens without fear of breaking the law. A new day where Missourians operate their one-armed bandits not for the goal of monetary reward, but for the pure love of using a slot machine. It’s time we end the prohibition on non-antique non-gambling slot machines. It’s currently item #217 on my list of things that our state government needs to do. It’s that important.

Or we can at least legalize margarine or something.