Eleven years ago I attended campaign management school. The lead instructor said, “Now, I’m going to talk about yard signs.” Everyone in the room eagerly leaned forward in anticipation of his wisdom about the proper mix of yard signs to 4 x 8s and their priority in the campaign budget. The instructor continued, “You only get enough yard signs so that you can plant them between your candidate’s home and their place of work. That way they think their signs are everywhere.”

In 2000 I saw the crosstabs in a poll which asked people why they were supporting a particular candidate. A significant, but not large, number of respondents liked the candidate’s legislative record and views. Others were convinced by the campaign’s mail pieces. Less than 1% were convinced by the yard signs. 7% liked his television commercials. The candidate didn’t run any television commercials. He did have yard signs.

Uh, that Obama yard sign in your yard? It wasn’t provided by Obama’s campaign. It was ordered, bought and paid for by someone like you in your local Democratic Party who wanted one in their yard.

BREAKING: Obama Campaign Organizers Trying To Win Election Instead of Get You Yard Signs

In a controversial move sure to upset millions of people, Barack Obama’s campaign has decided to forgo the traditional time-wasting distribution of chum (yard signs, bumper stickers, etc.) to try and win the election.

Settling on what they call a “get voters to register by approaching them on the phone and at the door with an army of volunteers” strategy, Obama’s senior staff has directed state, regional, and local field organizers to use their finite time to make tangible progress toward winning.

It’s an approach that has ruffled some Democratic feathers…

Yard signs are in your yard because they make you feel good. Or, if you’re like me and a big fan of signage for the purpose of insult, you plant them in your yard to upset your neighbors.

…A lot of people aren’t going to like hearing this truth, but organizers recognize that the majority of people who walk into offices for yard signs are, for volunteering purposes – and this is a technical term – useless. In the majority, these people are not going to knock, they’re not going to make phone calls. Instead, they are going to throw the organizer’s incredibly precious, sleep-deprived time down a bottomless abyss of irretrievability.

People who plant yard signs are maybe going to make their neighbors aware that they support a particular candidate, and in theory, if they live near voters who cede their opinions to peer pressure, they could theoretically be shading the influence of a vote here or there.

Here’s a little secret: there will always be exceptions, but people who spend a lot of time volunteering in campaign offices tend to get yard signs. Organizers know and love these people dearly, and they take care of them…

Go. Read the whole thing.

That being said, the most legal fun you can have in a campaign is planting 4 x 8s, 4 x 6s, or 4 x 4s in highly visible places. But that doesn’t win the campaign. And it takes a lot of time and resources.

The death of a campaign sign is not a pretty thing. It’s also expensive.

All better now. Have zip ties, will travel.

In 2000 I spent an inordinate amount of time pasting billboard stock paper printed with the candidate’s logo and name on to 4 x 8 plywood framed by two by fours. It’s a skill that I’m glad I got to develop, especially since the economy appears to be headed for a total collapse. But, I digress.

Old timers talk about wiring plywood signs to steel fence posts. Today we still have the fence posts, but the signs are corrugated plastic and we use cable (“zip”) ties to affix the signs to the post. Other tools you need are a vehicle or trailer large enough to carry the signs and posts, a post driver, ear plugs (see previous tool), cutting tools (to clip the cable ties), a screw driver (to poke holes in the sign as needed), and water. It’s all about being more efficient.

Have you noticed that very few candidates put their pictures on their signs? Creative vandals do interesting things to those images.

You have to get permission to place a sign on someone’s property.

I once called the local gendarmes to report a sign theft. “Hello. I’d like to report the theft of a four foot by eight foot Kerry/Edwards campaign sign from the lot near the high school.” “Could you describe it?” “Uh, it’s four feet by eight feet. It’s red, white, and blue and it says ‘Kerry/Edwards’ on it.”

Fifteen or so signs later, we finish putting the last signs up in what was a very long day. The average age of our crew was 57.

Yeah, those big signs are fun. The yard signs make us feel better. They really don’t win elections. They take an inordinate amount of time and money, relative to their worth, from campaigns.

It’s far better for a campaign to spend their money on voter identification and getting their voters to the polls on election day. Far better. That and direct mail.

A while back a gentleman walked into our local headquarters and asked that we place a 4 x 8 Obama/Biden sign on his property. I told him that we didn’t have any and that the national campaign doesn’t provide such. He replied that in 2004 he got a Kerry/Edwards 4 x 8. I explained that our county committee bought those in bulk with a nearby county. We ended up paying twenty five dollars apiece, only to watch them get vandalized (but they sure were fun to put up). He was upset that we didn’t have any. Really upset. “It’s about marketing and getting your name out there.” I told him we’d take his information down and we’d give him a call if 4 x 8s came in. He didn’t want to give the information out “because then the campaign would keep calling him.” He left headquarters as an unhappy camper in a huff.

I just heard that the county committee bought ten Obama/Biden 4 x 8s. I’ll probably end up helping to put them all up. And he ain’t getting one. It’ll be fun, but I really should be doing something much more productive – like making phone calls and going door to door.